So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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