My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
