He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
