Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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