Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it was like eating out sand paper
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
