she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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