Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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