Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
