I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
