He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
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He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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