Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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