walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
