So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
