She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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