Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
