i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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