I accidentally burped into my bong.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
