dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
