Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
