why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
