i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
