kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
