yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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