i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize