Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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