its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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