He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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