last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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