That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
