I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
