don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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