I think I died a long time ago.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
