Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
