I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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