I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
