Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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