Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
