Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
