I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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