you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
