things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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