A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
