You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
