the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
