You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
