I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize