actually, I'm a sock model
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
