no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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