I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
