somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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