Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
