you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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