I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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