This dress was meant to end up on your floor
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
