if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
