Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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