Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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