please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
