First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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