I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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