I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
