He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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