so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
