its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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