I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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