I need to stop coming to work sober
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
