she smelled like a LAN party
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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